Going to the Vet

Earlier this week B took me to the vet. It was a regular check up – time for me to get my rabies shot, check for heartworm and to make sure that I was in tip top shape. The visit began with its usual stresses. It is hard to believe how many other animals are at a place called “the animal hospital.” Cats, dogs, you name it, they were everywhere! It is not a secret that I do not like other animals, so waiting for our appointment was my own personal hell.

Before entering the examining room they weighed me. I weighed 26.3 pounds – the same weight as a really large turkey that you might serve at Thanksgiving for like 30 people. Dr. Buytenko seemed like a nice enough guy, though I must admit that he had some nerve touching me all over the place. I squirmed quite a bit, but there was no place for me to go as I was on a rather high table of stainless steel – not the most comfortable of places. So, the visit was going well, until the Doctor mentioned that I was overweight. I was devastated. Seriously, how over weight could I be? I regularly eat my cup of dog food and drink some water. OK, it’s true, I do eat some snacks and Hallie gives me an occasional yogurt cup to clean, but generally, I do not make a pig of myself (I mean no disrespect to pigs).

Dr. Buytenko suggested that I should lose some weight – you know, watch what I eat and perhaps exercise some more. His tone was so cold, like didn’t he realize that I was a dog and I had feelings? My whole body image is now out of whack – you would think that I have some huge “shank handles” the way he talked about me. I actually have some really annoying habits that have to do with food and they probably do not add one calorie to my diet. For instance, in morning, if Hallie eats that yellow cheese that is wrapped in plastic – I love to lick that plastic – I don’t really like the cheese. When the family eats dinner, I beg at the table, but not for food – I am hoping that they will give me their napkins – again not a high calorie food, but for some reason, I love shredding used napkins. Annoying? Right?

Well, as I enter the new year, like everyone else in the world, my number one resolution will be to lose some weight. This will mean an extra walk every night. The family and I had pretty much had given up that extra walk because of my fear of loud noises and the cold. Perhaps Hallie will buy me one of those thingies with the little red light. I use to love chasing that light – Lil Joe even made a movie of me chasing the light – that would be some good exercise. It’s just a shame that I will have to give up my care-free ways now that I have a weight problem. I wonder if there are plans for a season of the Biggest Loser that features dogs? Hmmmmm.

SPRING IS IN THE AIR

Aaaaahh – it’s mid-March and the living is easy.  The weather was beautiful this weekend.  I looked out my many windows and saw that it was sunny without a cloud in the sky.  I had no idea that it was warmer outside, but it was.  On Saturday Hallie took me for a really long walk to return some movies at Blockbuster.  It was great.  True to form she let me sniff all of the goodies I could find on the  ground.

Today, Hallie and Lil Joe took me for a long walk too.  Hallie also took me to Petco for a full fledge beauty treatment.  I had the works – a bath, conditioner, my teeth brushed, my nails cut and my ears cleaned.  They used some cucumber smelling soap which sounds kind of gross, but it actually smelled quite yummy.  My old friend Suzi no longer works at Petco.  I kind of miss her.  The last time I went to Petco for my treatment, I didn’t behave so well and they couldn’t even cut my nails.  Today, I behaved much better.  I think that I really prefer the ladies giving me my beauty treatments.  Hallie bought me a new toy and some yummy chews.  I would say that this was a perfect weekend for this lucky dog.

Where Does the Time Go?

Alas, where did this month go?  It seems like only yesterday that I was celebrating the Jewish New Year and now all of the Jewish holidays (and there are a lot) are over.  I’m sure that B is happy about that.  As a rabbi, those holidays mean he is one busy guy.

Maybe I haven’t written that much because there really has not been too much to report.  One day Hallie took me to visit Suzi, who gives me a bath and cuts my nails.  It’s always a fun outing.  This time was particularly nice because I was the only dog there and Suzi gave me all of her attention – which you know I love.

That very same day Hallie took me to the doctor.  I wasn’t sick or anything, but they nearly made me sick to my stomach.  I was so nervous I had an accident in the waiting room.  I weigh 23.5 pounds.  The doctor said I look very fit and in good health.  Then she gave me 3 shots!  Ouch!  She also took some blood.  Hallie was very kind to hold my paw when the doctor did that.  I passed all of my tests with flying colors (and I didn’t even study).

The weather is getting colder which can only mean one thing – winter!  That means my walks will be shorter.  I’m really trying to enjoy myself when I go out for a walk these days.  There is so much to sniff and smell.  My G and Lil Joe almost never take me for walks anymore.  Hallie still takes me for the longest walks.  Gotta love that girl.  I would never say this to Hallie, but lately B has been particularly nice in the petting and holding department.  Together they are a perfect match (for me).

My Morning Routine

As you may know, I sleep at the end of Hallie and B’s bed. Usually I wait until they are sound asleep and I slowly inch my way between them. This suits me just fine, but it does seem to bug them. I know that it bugs them because sometimes, they gently and not-so-gently push me back to the end of the bed. They say in this really loud whisper, “Miles!”

I need about 6 and 1/2 hours a sleep a night. Keep in mind, that I am a dog and we dogs sleep a fair amount during the day, so how much do I really need to sleep at night? Anyway, this means that I am the first one up. But I’m a considerate animal, I try to amuse myself quietly, so as not to wake my humans. Sometimes I scratch a scratch or I stretch my body. I love that yoga pose, “downward facing dog.” I admit, it is a little awkward to do when you are smooshed between two humans, but I make it work. My stretching and scratching often results in more pushing and whispering from B.

The thing that I love to do, that really seems to bother the gang is lick myself. Everyone likes a clean dog, so I busy myself by licking between my toes and various other places, which I won’t mention in mixed company, thank you very much. It’s very comforting to me, but it seems to drive Hallie and B crazy. My licking often really wakes them up and then they lie in bed and wonder aloud when I am going to stop and why am I so noisy? It basically sounds like I am slurping an ice cream cone that is melting very fast on a hot day. It’s funny that they lie in bed and talk about me. I know that I usually bark at them, but don’t they realize that I understand everything they say? Why do they think I run to the door every time they say the word, “walk?” The things we dogs have to put up with to live in a good home. As I always say, “it’s a dog’s life.” Do I say that?

Peace & Quiet

Good news… I finally found out the name of the guy that Hallie hangs out with. His name is B – funny he doesn’t look like a bee, but that’s what she calls him. The kids call him “dad.” Anyway, B took the kids to Philadelphia for four days. They visited friends whose daughter was becoming a Bat Mitzvah. Now that Bat Mitzvah thing sounds cool. I wonder if they do it for dogs. If they do, Hallie better let me know, because I’ll be 13 in a few months – in dog years, that is.

Well, when they were away it was so quiet – just me and Hallie. She gave me treats, lots of belly rubs and took me on walks. It was a really lovely four days. Hallie even took me to that giant place where I got another bath. It wasn’t as much fun this time because there was a big lab also getting a bath. You know how I feel about other dogs – I’m more of a people-dog than a dog-dog. Unfortunately, Hallie did go to work and did some errands that didn’t include me. I made sure to give her a “what for,” by crying every time she left the house.

B and the kids came back last night and I must admit, although it was fun having Hallie all to myself, I was glad to see them. The little kid lies on the floor and lets me jump and growl at him. I’m not sure why that is fun for him, but it is for me. The big kid started playing his guitar the minute they returned. There is a nice noisy hum throughout the house. And the good life continues.

Singing In The Bathtub

Let me tell you something — is my family the greatest or what? Earlier this week, Hallie took me to this store that was a dream place for any dog. There was a bar of rawhide chews to choose from, treats everywhere and lots of loofa dogs. But the best part, was that there was this room just for dogs, where they gave you a bath, cut your nails and cleaned your ears. How great is that? It felt marvelous. Much better than when that guy Hallie hangs out with, gave me a bath. When he gives me a bath, it’s like he doesn’t even know what he’s doing. He wears his bathing suit and keeps telling me to sit still. And then when the bath is over and I want to run around like a maniac, everyone just stands around and watches in disbelief. Am I just here for their amusement? I don’t think so.

Well the bath at this dream place was amazing. They had a big silver tub, there was lots of room for me and those ladies knew what they were doing. Rub-a-dub-dub thanks for the scrub. They even blew-dry my hair and put a little bow on my collar. I heard Hallie say that we will have to do this once a month. I can hardly wait! They have this Christmas special where they shampoo you with this holiday smelling shampoo and then paint your nails with green and red nail polish. I really want that. Now how will I convince my family that’s what I want? Hmmmm.